Joni, do you remember a time...
When you were happy with your family?
You remember any?
Nah.
I don't remember. Sorry.
How would you like your mom to act when she's at home?
Like right now? She should just be, like, a mom.
What does that mean? Just a mom?
I don't have anyone to compare her to.
If you could wish anything?
I guess she'd want what's best for me.
You can't say I don't do that. I've tried my best.
ALMOST 18
- What the fuck? You're here already. - Hi.
Hi.
We were five guys. We were tight. Mostly.
I think we had pretty normal families...
Normal problems and normal feelings.
There was nothing we couldn't get over.
Hey, come join us!
Come.
At least give us your numbers.
Man, that was cold.
- This isn't my day. - There's more where they came from.
Karri's a mama's boy.
It always takes him time to warm up to things.
Guys. Stop fooling around.
His mom is okay.
Kind of a tight-ass, but okay.
When Karri fucks up, he always panics...
and then he fucks up even worse.
When I met him, he 'd just learned to ride a bike.
He rode it right into me.
But he didn't run off.
He stood there with blood on his face...
and said he was sorry.
Isn't the game over yet?
Wait.
The goalie makes a mistake.
Fuck! Fucking monkeys!
- Which? - Both. Fuck.
The guys can't lose focus now.
Or else the memories from both the Moscow and Finland games resurface.
4 - 7.
I honestly don't get it.
Isn't ice hockey about one team winning?
Losing is no one's fault, right?
Sure, it's no one's fault that Finland loses every time.
Let's cheer for the winners. Go, Sweden, go!
Then we'll cheer for the losers. Go, Finland, go!
Then I'll put on my mascara, and we'll go.
Stop talking about ice hockey. You know nothing about it.
How do you know?
I dated an ice hockey player once.
Oh, and that makes you an expert? Who was it?
I don't remember names.
He played for Raision kiekkoseura. The year was '83.
That team sucks!
This game is from 2003. It's 2010.
What's the use of listening to old games?
The year makes no difference. Finland always loses.
Our last driving lesson starts now.
I've been waiting for this moment.
- I won't have to see you anymore. - Right back at ya.
Check the traffic. Right and left.
- Move your head. That's it. - But you have to anticipate.
Breathe out, will you?
Pull up.
- When did you get home? - At around 8 or 9.
Stop lying. I was up at 11 and you weren't home. - In the morning.
Morning! Again! How many drinks did you have? - A couple.
- How many drinks? - Four, five, six. I don't know.
Beers? - And some liqueur. What's the difference?
- Get out of the car! - Fuck!
Look. Zero. Like I said.
Do it again. I didn't see you blow.
- Take the old route. - Again?
We'll do it till you learn.
- When I get my license... - If you do.
- If I do... can I borrow the car? - Not for driving the guys around.
Right. - Turn left. You can borrow it if I can come along.
Keep your car. I'll buy a motorcycle.
I just read in the paper that a biker crashed into a guardrail.
- You can drive your girlfriend. - What?
That's equal rights?
What's the difference between guys and girls? - Guys like to show off.
Right.
- Stay close to the side. - Yeah yeah.
That's it.
- What are you doing? - Looking.
- At them? - No, at the traffic.
- At those little hotsy totsies? - No, the traffic.
Let's show the hotsy totsies how we drive. - What are you doing?
- Don't ever date blondes. They're nothing but trouble. - Right.
They're all sluts.
- Who? - Blondes.
Just kidding.
Sometimes I think I'm a bad man.
- What song is this? - What song?
- This slow one. - It's as fast as the original.
- This is the original. - No, it's not.
- Yes, it is. - No, it isn't.
I haven't heard any other version!
Focus on the road.
- Turn your head. - "Turn your head."
And then we'll go.
- Why are you driving in circles? - You didn't tell me to turn.
- Turn left! The old route - I can't turn left here.
Oh, c'mon. Yes, you can.
I said the old route, so turn left here.
Then you should tell me to turn right.
You have to learn to think for yourself.
- Fine. We'll drive in circles then. - You gotta be kidding me!
- You have to use your head! - You're the teacher.
- Say "turn right." - No!
- Say it! - No!
Fine, we'll drive in circles then.
You have one message.
Hi, it's Jarska.
I got a letter saying I owe 5 euros in child support.
I can put it into your account if you send me the number.
Well... I guess that's all. Bye.
- Turn right here. - What?
Five minutes.
- I need to be in town at 3. - It won't take long.
- Don't you have enough of those? - You can never have enough.
- You'll have to assemble those yourself. - That's what I always do.
- What the hell? - It was an accident.
You'll never get a license, shithead.
- Your car is fine. - Fine?
- It's totally fine. - Look at it!
- Try to behave. Be a man. - You fuckin' try to behave!
Alright?
- How many pairs did you bring? - Enough.
- Did you buy them small again? - I just need to stretch them a bit.
Tonight is the taxi drivers' federation party.
Are those the Lubutubes?
- "Lubutubes..." - Whatever.
"Louboutins."
They're okay.
When I was a kid,
I got new clothes for the end of the school year
and the Christmas party. Everything else...
I forgot my sunglasses.
...I had to pay for myself.
Here we go again. Your childhood was so hard.
I don't mean that you should have it hard.
Besides, I just bought you...
a pair of super-expensive jeans and a cap. - "A cap."
You think you're the one with the bad childhood.
My dad was an alcoholic.
- Mine was violent. - Mine was on drugs. You told me.
We had to run and hide from him.
You didn't have to, thanks to me.
Thanks to you, I never saw my dad.
I wish I hadn't seen either your dad or mine.
One thing you had better than me.
Your mom was normal.
Mine's batshit insane.
For that, you'll practice parallel parking next.
Like that. Not too much.
Start turning those wheels.
Hi. Will this take long today?
As long as it takes for him to learn.
- Sorry. - No worries. Keep practicing.
Forward again, then reverse.
- Did you clean your room? - Yes. - No, you didn't.
Your clothes are all over the floor and there's dust on your computer.
I asked you to clean it two weeks ago.
- Were you in my room? - I peeked in. Do I need permission?
- Yes, you do. - Not as long as I pay the rent.
- It won't be for long. - What do you mean?
I'm getting my own place when I turn 18. In the summer.
In the summer? May I ask where you're planning to move?
- To Esplanade. - Esplanade?
- With what money? - Mine.
With the 70 euros you have left from your birthday money? - Yeah.
You're planning to break your piggy bank? - I'll find a rich wife.
Then you can't come by and ask if I've cleaned.
Tonight you'll clean your room and go to bed early, so you're calmer.
- You can't tell me what to do. I'm almost 18. - Right. Almost.
- I'll tell you what to do as long as I pay for everything. - Ooh, scary.
- In one ear and out... - Out the other.
You always say the same thing. I can't wait till I'm 18.
Freedom! What a wonderful word!
I look forward to it.
- I look more. - I do more. - I do.
Goddammit! Park the car now!
Get out of my car! No farting in my car!
Your car, your house! Keep your fuckin' car!
I'm getting a cab.
Karri!
- Stop staring. - Karri baby...
Some things don't change whether you're 5 or almost 18.
If you need to pee or you're hungry, you throw a fit.
Or if you haven't slept enough.
- You should take me to Italy one day. - Is that your big dream?
You'll take your old mom to Italy.
Pomodori ripieni. Stuffed tomatoes.
Hit the brakes!
- Akseli's not coming today. - Why?
Some basic mom shit.
Fuck!
My 18th birthday and no one's here!
We can have a party with the three of us, can't we?
- Should we sing? - Please, don't.
- We should. - You sure?
1,2,3. Happy birthday to you...
Is that all?
Happy birthday, dear Karri...
- Hooray! - Thank you, thank you.
Not for me, thanks.
Pete had red tights in kindergarten
And long hair. In a ponytail.
People called him a girl, so we had to shave him.
Now he's after everyone else is hair.
Almost everyone's parents are divorced. Except Pete's.
He's always been the lucky one.
Except one day when he forgot his condoms.
There's nothing to eat. Again.
I just came from the store. There are two big bags of food.
Put the ice cream in the freezer before it melts.
Why didn't you buy pizza?
Pizza? We have tenderloin. Make a pizza with that.
I want something yummy.
- Here, mister yummy-tummy. - Thanks.
Which shirt should I wear...
It's Mom.
Hi, honey. Your bikini? Where?
Which closet? Which shelf?
- It's on the top shelf. - Got it.
I'll see you at the airport. Bye, honey.
What's going on?
Last-minute tickets to Milan.
Your mom and I have to figure some stuff out. Grownup stuff.
We haven't been anywhere in ages.
- When was the last time? - In London.
Right. London in February.
But what am I going to eat?
- Buy a pizza. Not beer. - No beer.
And no other alcoholic beverages. And no cigarettes. - No cigarettes.
I want to see receipts.
- When are you coming back? - I'm not saying.
On Sunday. Or was it Monday? No parties, young man.
Remember what happened last time?
I think I have everything.
Have a good trip.
Have a good week. But not too good.
- Bye. - Bye.
Hi. Are you okay?
What time do you get out?
You want to come to my place? My parents are away.
Hello. Hi.
I dunno. Kiira's coming over.
She just took the pill.
The abortion pill.
I don't know what to say. She doesn't tell me anything.
I've tried to comfort her.
It's Mom. I have to answer it.
Hello.
Yeah, everything's fine. How are you?
Is it warm?
Yes.
Nothing. I went to the movies last night.
Yeah. I'm by myself. Yeah, yeah.
I can't deal with this now!
Everyone's gone. Kiira's at her family's summerhouse.
I'll call you later.
- What do you mean you don't know? - I'm bleeding.
Already? Isn't it too soon?
- She looks like Akseli's mom. - Yeah?
She stared at you.
- Maybe you should go. - I can't leave you here alone.
I'm not alone.
If she sees you, she'll call your mom right away.
Are you sure you'll be okay?
Lahti?
You know what? We killed a baby. A human being.
We'll never be forgiven.
It's not that serious. It happens all the time.
But we're murderers! Real murderers!
Abortion is not murder.
It was, like, the size of my thumb.
Great, we killed Thumbelina.
There's no law that says it's murder. Not in Finland.
- Catholics say it is. - You're not Catholic.
What if I am? - We went to Lutheran church camp together.
What were you thinking? You're destroying my life!
This sucks! Who will take care of it? Not me!
I'm not changing diapers. Not one.
What will my friends say? I won't have any left after this.
They're not going to put up with this shit. And I won't either.
You'll destroy the kid's life. And this whole fucking family.
How old are you? Aren't you menopausal yet?
Were you asleep in biology class? Have you heard of contraception?
We used contraception. It was an accident.
What fucking accident? Ever heard of emergency contraception?
We can't do that. It's too late.
Besides, we want this baby.
You're crazy! It's an ugly world!
There are terrorists! Tsunamis! All kinds of stuff!
Earthquakes! Recession! How are you going to support it?
You'll lose your jobs and then what? You'll retire soon.
No kid will even want to look at you.
You're losing your hair and everything.
This kid will be worse than me. He'll lie to you about everything.
You shouldn't be entitled to have babies. That's my opinion.
You can keep this shit.
Fuck!
That went relatively well.
Thanks.
André's a nerd.
He's either reading or hanging our with his kid brother.
Okay, I'm being unfair.
André has the toughest time of us all. His mom's a bit slutty.
Romantic drama?
That's almost as bad as romantic comedy.
It's playing at 8 and 9:45 tonight. I'm almost done with math.
Okay.
See you at 7:30.
Someone's calling; I gotta go. Bye.
Hello?
Oh. I'll be there in a minute. Bye.
The number you dialed is switched off...- Fuck!
Okay, Max, your brother's here.
How's it going?
Sorry I'm a little late again. I forgot it was my turn.
Your mom forgot to tell me.
We should know who's going to pick the kids up.
I called her, but her phone was switched off.
Do you understand how serious this is?
I may have to call child protective services.
I understand.
Let's all go home now, Max.
- Here you go. Bye, Nala and Simba. - Take your backpack, Max.
- See you tomorrow. - Bye bye.
Fuck.
Max, let's go.
Max.
We have to go to the store to buy food.
- I'm staying here! - You know I won't let you.
Fine. On one condition.
- Put it back. - I want it!
We don't have enough money.
I'm not moving if I can't have this!
C'mon! I still need to study.
- Oh, you're getting treats. - Apparently.
Thanks.
- I want macaroni. - Eat the pizza I got you.
- I want macaroni and pizza! - Eat.
- Don't look at me! - Eat!
- Don't look at my food! - Please eat...
You promised to eat if you got the ice cream first. Remember?
But you can't look at my food. Now it's poisoned.
- No, it isn't. Just eat it. - You touched it and made it worse.
- Am I getting a Nintendo from Mom for my birthday? - Maybe.
- I'm sure I am. - You just had your birthday.
Christmas comes before your birthday.
- It's a year until your birthday. - I'll get it from Santa then.
You're getting coal because you've been so mean.
Mean? I picked you up from daycare and made you food and besides...
Santa doesn't exist.
- What? - Nothing.
- What did you say? - I was kidding.
- What did you say? - Nothing.
- Something stupid about Santa. - I was just kidding.
- I could smell you over there. - lt smells like a man.
Who does Mom love most, you or me?
Wow, you picked up the phone.
You didn't tell me I needed to pick up Max today.
Fuck you!
Janni, I don't think I can make it to the movies after all.
I just realized I don't know anything for the test.
Yeah, math.
Did you leave already?
Can you get someone else to go?
I meant, like, a girl.
- What's child protective services? - I hope you'll never have to learn.
- Time to sleep. - Say a prayer.
Not again! -Oh, so now God doesn't exist either?
Okay.
Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord my soul to keep
If I should die before I wake
I pray the Lord my soul to take.
- Good night. - Good night.
Nobody's taking your soul yet.
It's just a prayer to make you feel better.
- Can we call there? - You mean heaven?
Yeah. I have a lot of stuff to talk about. - With your dad?
Yeah.
- I miss him so much. - He misses you too.
Do you miss him?
He was kind of my dad too.
- Does he miss Mom? - Sure.
Besides Mom told me that she loves you more than me.
- How do you know? - She said so.
Someone's been sprinkling sleepy dust in the air.
You wanna go sleep in Mom's bed?
Yeah, let's go!
- Carry me. I'm scared. - Sure.
King Gustav Vasa's maids' shoes...
Be quiet, for fuck's sake!
Oh honey, are you still up?
No visitors at this hour. We're trying to sleep.
I know. We'll just have a nightcap.
Kaitsu is a colleague.
- This is my son. - Max?
- André. - The son of the first dickhead.
- Sorry. - That's enough.
But objectively speaking, your dad is a piece of shit.
Just a little nightcap...
That's enough.
Goddammit!
Max, take it easy...
You're a piece of shit like your dad.
You're bringing strangers home at this hour.
- With Max and me here. - For one drink!
How dare you! I have to see him at work tomorrow!
I don't give a shit if you sleep with some random dog walker again.
You don't give a shit, even though you eat my food.
- Do I really? - Yes, you do!
I spent 12 hours giving birth to you, you fucking leech.
- I'm quiet. I'm going to bed now. - Not in your bed.
- Move. - No.
- This is my home. - And mine and Max's.
- My money, my rules. - You're never even home.
You know what? I'm here now. And I'm going to bed. - No.
- Max is sleeping in your bed. - Move!
- Shut up. - Move.
Go sleep there.
Fuck...
That was too much.
These must be yours.
- Paula, is everything okay? - Yes, I made a bed here.
- See you tomorrow. - See you.
- Bye. And I'm not Max. - Bye!
A fine fuckin' young man indeed.
Akseli had a dad, too.
Except that he always told us he was dead.
But every summer he traveled somewhere.
- Hi. - Hello.
Alrighty. Hi.
I thought I was going to be late. I had some errands.
- Have you seen deer? - Not really.
The dog barked at something in the woods...
But I couldn't see anything.
Your dad went and checked it out.
Look who's coming. Akseli. Come!
Onni!
- Hello! - Hi.
- How was your trip? - Fine. I slept most of the way.
Onni!
Come here! Come!
- He'll come later. Onni! - Come!